Our baby E. was born 5 1/2 weeks early. After he was stabilized in the level 2 nursery, I was able to see him for the first time since birth. He looked like this...

Baby E. was not able to breathe without oxygen support, so the shield around his head provided that. He was put under a warmer to keep his body temperature up, and he was not able to be held or fed. We were able to touch him, however his skin was sensitive, so E. would pull away when touched in some places, particularly on his hands and near his feet. His poor little feet looked like pin cushions, because he was pricked for blood samples so often. The nurses had a hard time getting blood from E. because his blood was clotting whenever they tried.

The first 24 hours for me were fairly easy. With no tearing from the birth, I didn't feel the need for heat/cold packs. I had a dose of Tylenol to help with the afterbirth pains, but refused other pain medicines. We had a visit from Nick's bosses (a husband and wife team), who were so kind to bring food for us. I hadn't been hungry for several hours, so the only thing that sounded good to me was a vanilla milkshake. They brought me a large milkshake and it hit the spot. I hadn't had a vanilla milkshake in probably 15 years! Nick was ravenous, so they brought him a full meal. It was such a thoughtful gesture, and it was nice that we didn't need to order hospital food or leave the room to eat.

After our guests were gone, I was finally brought a breast pump. It had been 5 hours since the birth, and I really wanted to get the pumping sessions started. I'm used to nursing our newborns within 1/2 an hour of their birth, so to go 5 hours felt like it might never start if it didn't happen soon. There were only a few drops at first, but the nurses assured me that they save every bit, so it was labeled and put in a cooler.

We let immediate family know about E.'s birth and then settled in to get some sleep. It was a very strange experience for both Nick and I, because with our homebirths we had a newborn to snuggle with the first night, and every night after that if we wanted. To have our baby down the hall was so foreign, but we knew he was being well taken care of, and that we could go to see him whenever we wanted.

The first night, I was woken at least 4 times by nurses coming in to check on me. They'd take my temperature, my blood pressure, feel my uterus to make sure it was firm and reducing in size, and make sure the post-partum healing process was going smoothly. They also asked about my pain level. I was managing without more Tylenol just fine.

I went to see E. sometime around 1a.m. He was laying so still. His chest was heaving with each breath and making a dent each time he inhaled. I felt terrible that he was born premature and having to go through his first moments in life in this state. There was nothing we did wrong, or anything we could have done different, I knew, but I still felt responsible.

I was the one who was supposed to protect him, just as I had with his brothers. And I couldn't. I don't know why. I'll never know why.

The next morning I was feeling better. I got a shower and put on my own clothes. I put on my maternity jeans from the day before, and they sat on my hips. It felt good to be "almost" normal.

Nick and I checked on E., taking a few pictures, and then we were given the ok from my doctor for me to leave the fifth floor and go with Nick to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. My breakfast was waiting for us when we got back to the room. I had ordered some fruit, yogurt, and a cinnamon raisin biscuit. The "yogurt" was actually cottage cheese, which I strongly dislike, but I mixed in granola that had come with it, and it made the bites more tolerable. I only had half the fruit, because I'm not a melon eater, so the pineapple and grapes were gone in no time, but the cantalope and honeydew melon were left on my plate. 

We had a visitor from our church, one of the pastors, who was compassionate and asked what our needs were. Our church is wonderful in providing meals and support to families as they are going through issues in life, and it was nice to know that they cared about our family. He prayed with us before he left, and promised to set up the meals to be brought to our house as soon as we were ready for them.

A lady from the food department stopped by my room and brought me a snack. I still wasn't really hungry, but my appetite was slowly returning. I thought it was nice that they provided snacks in between the regular meals, for the moms of new babies. She also gave us a box of assorted cookies, as a congratulatory gift from the hospital, for having our baby there. I had 2 of the oatmeal raisin cookies, and they were excellent.

Then we went to go sit with E., but we were met by his doctor as soon as we entered the nursery. His hands and feet were getting more of a blue color as the hours went by, and they felt like he needed to be in a better hospital to make sure he wasn't developing an infection. They were still unable to draw blood because of the clotting. 

Since E. was being transferred, we asked that my discharge papers be rushed so that we could leave at the same time he did. I was doing fine, and ready to leave. We got back to my room and gathered everything together.

After the team from the new hospital evaluated E. and got him ready for transport, they brought him to my room so we could see him. I noticed that they put an oxygen cannula in his nose, and he looked completely at peace. His chest wasn't heaving, and he looked like a totally different baby, physically speaking. They gave us their names and information that we needed for arrival at the new hospital, and then wheeled him away in his incubator.

I was discharged a few minutes later. As we were waiting for someone to come and get me (I needed to ride in a wheel chair down to the entrance of the hospital, despite the fact that I was walking fine on my own), I was given my second snack of the day. The lady saw us waiting to leave, and wanted me to have my snack anyways. She was so nice. Little did I know how handy that snack would be later!

More to come soon...